Ramblings

I'm not sure what to call this post so I'll just call it "Ramblings".  It's my blog, I can call it anything I'd like.  Right?

So....the family went on vacation last week...we drove to Pawley's Island, SC.  What a fun drive.  NOT.  Ugh, it's so long.  To be honest tho, the girls did pretty well....and the trip down only took 12 hours.  The trip back, 13.  No major health issues tho Ava did develop a croupy cough on day 1 and Grace had a bad reaction to a mosquito bite.  And then there was me.  For some reason eating out in SC doesn't agree with me.  John and I let his parents take care of the girls while we went out one night.  I had fried shrimp and some hush puppies and didn't even finish a glass of wine.  John and I split his desert.  Sometime in the middle of the night I started with heart palpitations and stomach issues.  I thought I was going to get sick.  I actually had to take an entire Xanax just to "calm down".  I'm not really sure what that was all  about.  But it wasn't fun....that's for sure.

The in-laws weren't all that bad this time around tho my father in law still teases Grace incessently.  She doesn't understand what he's doing but I hear it.   Grrrr.

Let's see, what else is there to talk about......

We have decided to take the girls out of daycare another day during the week.  So G and A will be home with me on M, W, and F.  Tuesdays and Thursdays now I have to devote my days to finding a regular paying job.  Either the market sucks or I'm not really good at the real estate thing.  Probably a combination of both.  I'm not a good sales person...never have been, never will be.  And because PA unemployment has denied me unemployment benefits for having a real estate license and I'm not making any money doing the real estate thing...I have to find a job.  YUCK.  You have no idea how sad that makes me.   I really don't want to go back to work but the fact of the matter is...we can't survive on John's income alone.  :(

We are also still discussing the third baby thing.  Yes, you heard right.....we are considering it...tho it scares the crap out of me.  I had an IUI two months ago that didn't work...not that I really expected it to...plus, last month we timed things pretty well but the witch followed me to SC (b!tch).

We were full on board going right onto IVF but I'm getting cold feet.  I'm scared about how it will change our family.  I'm scared about my lack of patience with the girls and the frustration levels I have with them and John and the house.  We still have about two weeks left to decide if we want to start this next cycle or we can wait....however, we kind of need to make a decision.  See, John's insurance covers IVF at the moment.  And even, God forbid, he looses his job, he retains his medical insurance for the length of his severance.  However, if he, or I get a new job, there are no guarantees (and it seems pretty iffy) that any insurance would cover IVF again.

So, this is what has been weighing on my mind lately.  Heavy stuff huh?