speaking in tongues

Do you ever feel that you are speaking a different language than everyone else?  I do...on a daily basis, with my husband and let me tell you...it's causing problems.  Big problems.

This morning we had a blow out in front of the girls that caused Grace to break down in tears and tell John that she hates him.  Great, fantastic..wonderful.

Apparently, I'm not allowed to voice my feelings to anyone...in email (read post about my email to T) or even to him b/c my feelings are unjustified.  So, I guess I'm just supposed to bottle them up and let them fester, which, in the past, hasn't worked out too well for me either.

I'm sorry that I was a bit annoyed this morning that I got up and then while getting myself ready to get to work (and believe me, NOT rushing).....I had to also try to get two very tired girls out of bed, all while my hubby was still resting his head in bed.  And then when I did sigh about it...I get in trouble.  EVERY.SINGLE.DAY this week I've had to get the girls up and out while he was still sleeping.  EVERY.SINGLE Weekend I do the same thing.  Take one or both of the girls downstairs so he can sleep.  

And yet, he was pissed this morning to find me emptying the dishwasher even after he told me that it was his fault he got up late and it was his responsibility to get A ready so he could leave for work.  Sorry, but when I hear that, I'll move on to other things that need to get done.  Did the dishwasher really need to be emptied right then?  No, but I was there and he didn't want help with A.  Until he saw me emptying the dishwasher..then he says he could have used help with A.  Well, guess what?  I could have used help getting her up and out of bed.  I asked, but didn't get any help.  I tried to help and you pushed me away.

Seriously, am I speaking Chinese and he's speaking Russian or something?  Because this is a constant thing in our house and frankly I'm getting sick of it.   I'm getting sick of it b/c it's ALWAYS my fault.  ALWAYS.  I'll admit, I've made some mistakes in the past.  But it's really getting old to always be at fault.  To always be the one who apologies.  I'm just...well, tired of it.

I know he does things around the house.  Believe me, I know he does.  And I thank him for it.  When I do things around the house, I get nothing......and maybe I shouldn't expect it....but ya know, sometimes I do. 

But in the morning, when he needs to get to work....get your @ss out of bed earlier and make an effort.

On Monday morning I will set my alarm at 5:30 and get up.  No more languishing in bed until 6am, no matter how tired I am.  I will get up.  I will get myself ready.   At 6:30 I will wake up the girls and get them ready....and maybe J will get out of the house in a timely manner.

I will no longer complain...to him at least.  Maybe I'll try to do it here but God forbid he find/read this...then I'll be in trouble again.