Questioning

Today, I am questioning EVERYTHING....all the little decisions I thought I'd made in the past few weeks.

I recently made the decision to get my real estate license......and now I'm questioning that.  John brought up an "issue" today....the car.  We have two cars...both with two car seats.  That means in the mini van with the carseats in the middle row...if I don't have the back seat up...I have room for one.  If I put the backseat up then people would have to crawl thru the middle row to get to the back.  I guess what I' trying to say is, we don't have cars conducive to transporting people.  And we can't afford to buy a new car (nor do I think we need three cars).

Yesterday I told my mom what I was planning on doing....she was less than supportive.  Thanks mom.  Yes, I know that I might have to give up nights and weekends.....but her idea?  Why don't I find a job with a CPA during tax season....yeah, cause that's something that would make me happy and I wouldn't have to put in a sh!t load of hours doing that.  Sorry mom.....

And to be honest, I don't know HOW I feel about working nights and weekends.   Maybe I should just suck it up and get a 9 to 5 job.  Frick..........I just don't know.

Yesterday morning I had a BAD BAD BAD mommy morning.  I completely lost it with Ava....over her coat i think.....I I blew my stack again.  Ava was crying, I was crying, Grace was crying.   And all I thought was...."Am I really considering adding another child to this disaster"?  What the HELL am I thinking?

I've been out of work for 11 weeks....and I hate it and love it.  I hate being alone all day....I feel quilty for bringing the girls to school...I should be keeping them out with me (tho that's counter productive to looking for a job).  I love that I am not going to a job that I hate.  UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.

So, for now...I'm questioning all my decisions.