Stress, my four letter word

Believe me, I know that stress isn't a four letter word...but it is to me.  It consumes me really.  I stress about everything.  EVERYTHING.

If one of my girls has a loose BM...I stress over stomach issues.  God forbid they throw up.  I'm practically getting sick there as well.  I can't deal with that.  Heck, reading posts on Facebook today about vomit...and I'm feeling queasy.

I am stressing over the interview I just had.  I've been out of work for 8 weeks and part of me doesn't want to find a job.  Maybe because part of me, correction, most of me doesn't know what I want to be when I grow up.  The other part is terrified of change.  It stresses me out.  It paralyzes me.  Hell, I've been in a job/career with the same company (as I just interviewed with) for ten years hating almost every minute of it...because the thought of change paralyzes me.

I LOVE my children....absolutely ADORE them.  i really do.  But I can feel my blood pressure start to creep up when I get them home from daycare.  Isn't that pathetic?  I think it is.  I try to make dinner...while they beg me to snuggle with them.  Or I hear them fighting and I try not to yell but......ugh.

On top of this I have been stressing over wether to have another baby.  Part of me desperately wants to have another baby.  But then the girls start fighting or Ava won't go to bed without a fight or John and I start snipping at each other....and I think....."you think you are stressed now...what would happen if you had another baby?"  I think it might just kill me.  (Don't worry I know it won't but it might just push me over the edge).

My house stresses me.  I haven't un-decorated from Christmas yet and that stresses me.  The though of doing it stresses me (not really sure why).  If there are papers on the countertop......now, not just one or two...but a bunch...I get stressed.  I stress easily.

I swear I'm a poster child for stress related heart disease.

I need to figure out how to chill out.  I really just don't know how.  I can't sit still for 5 minutes (ok, well sometimes i can).  I read a book yesterday......

Tomorrow's post?

Friends.