Sunday, October 18, 2009

I dream of peace

Not for the entire world (tho I do)...but right now, I dream of peace in my house, in my heart and in my head.

Today I am finding myself very much filled with stress and anxiety.  Not sure why...but I feel my chest tightening up and my blood pressure boiling.  Sad, I know...on a Sunday.  A "home" day as the girls call it.  And after church and all.

We've had terrible weather since about Thursday night.  A Nor'easter.  The girls have been locked up inside....with the exception of a trip to Target and Sunday School.

It seems that they are grating on hubby's every nerve....all I hear is him yelling at them.  That saddens me.

I've done so much this weekend...that I'm exhausted.  Almost contemplating a "sick" day tomorrow just to recouperate...but in light of the fact that I might be laid off at the end of the week.....probably not a good idea.

What have you done you ask?  Well, I've done about 15 loads of laundry since Friday...several of which still need to be put away.  I've empty and cleaned both the fridge and freezer.  I've come up with a list of like 15 things to eat over the next two weeks and made a list of things for hubby to get at the grocery store.

I've cleaned.  I've created crafty things for the girls to do.  And now I'm exhausted.  Done, beat, put a fork in me, I'm thru.

This is a bad time for hubby and I b/c when I start to feel like this....I get cranky and snappy and hubby takes the brunt of it.

And I'm disappointed in myself.  Why?  Because part of me desperately wants to add another baby to this family but how can I when I feel like this?  I mean, really?  Who am I kidding?  I can't do it.  I can't handle it.

I'm not even sure who I'm writing to out there...b/c no one reads this blog.  OH well...just for me I suppose.

Still need to get dinner on the table, help hubby with the baths, put laundry away, make lunches for tomorrow......clean up...and go to bed.

Let there be peace on earth...and let it begin with me (corny, I know...but it just popped out).

1 comment:

  1. I read it. I am so sorry that you are so stressed out. I wish there was something that I could do. Know though that you are not talking into the void but that there is someone listening.