Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday Fumblings

Yeah!  It's Friday.  It's beautiful here despite the rain we  got this morning.

So, I'm not even really sure why I got my hopes up about being pregnant on my own.  I mean, it just ain't gonna happen.

And hubby and I haven't even made a decision on it yet.  We did have a very good discussion about it last week but no decision has been made...even tho I really want/need to know now.

After speaking with my therapist last night about it, I've come to this conclusion......

My family is perfect and complete right now.  I love my family and I would be happy to keep it just the way it is now. 

HOWEVER, there is room in my heart to welcome another member into this family and if that's what we decide...then I'll be happy.

It's just the waiting...ya know? 

I'm going to be 40 and not that 40 is old.....and I have no problem being 40 and being pregnant but I never saw myself as being 40 and getting pregnant.  Does that even make sense?  And does it really matter?  There are wonderful women out in the world who are 40 and pregnant.  Why can't I be one of them?

Work is going......most days there isn't enough to keep me busy all day, which is frustrating.  But it's a job I can do and my boss is really cool.  He comments on my Facebook postings and yesterday we played Wii Bowling and some Wii baseball.

I'm in the market for a pair of comfortable shoes to wear on the weekends...something I can walk around the mall in or aroun the zoo or whatever.  Bad shoes just suck.  They can ruin your day.  So, I'm looking for a good pair, willing to spend around $75 since I will wear them to death on the weekend.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I need a new haircut.  I've decided to let the front grow and keep the back short.  But the front is short that it has been in months and completely layered.  I hate it.  It looks like crap.  And I want it grown out NOW!  Gee, I don't have a problem with patience do I?

I'm trying to convince John that we should slowly start work on the basement.  I think we should get an electrician in to work on the electical panel and then get a quote on how much it would cost to have the basement framed out.  We know we want to finish it....hell, I've already got it planned out in my, let's do it...slowly.

I'd also like to get a quote to find out how much it would cost to have our master bedroom repainted.  I know it's something we can do ourselves but we really just don't have the time.  And the person is an aquaintance so I have no problem leaving him in the house to do it.  then John and I can do the molding ourselves maybe but if the painting could be would help.

I know...a lot of stuff going on.....and in all this mixture, John has a new job and he's still working his old one and it's causing him stress.  Plus, next week he has to go out to PA (about a 2.5 hour drive) and then to KY later in the week.

Well, I should probably get back to work.

Have a nice day.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

PMS sucks

big time

nouf said


nouf said.

Monday, October 18, 2010


Ben,  this is NOT a post you should read

Today is cycle day 24....usually by now I have started to spot.  I haven't.

This past weekend my boobs hurt so bad that if G or A leaned on them, I was in tears.

Should I be so bold as to hope?

Today I'm moody.  Very moody.

I would love to hold out hope that maybe, just body did something right this time....but it's getting harder and harder and harder.

I've only ever gotten pregnant once without medical help.  That didn't go too well.

Maybe, just maybe...

But probably not.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


We have entirely too much stuff.  And every once in a while is stresses the CRAP out of me.  We do purge probably every 6 months, things that are in the basement....the last time being in April when the basement was being jackhammered to death.

But there is still a lot of stuff to purge...and I have that urge, the URGE to PURGE.  There are tubs of baby toys....there are tons of baby items.  My girls have too many toys to even know what to do with.  And with their birthdays and Christmas coming, they will be getting even more.  And that scares the crap out of me.

I'm part of the problem.  I have a hard time letting go. 

What if we have another baby?  Then we'll need the highchair, and the bobby pillow, and that seat thingy and this and that.  We'll need toys and the pack n' plays (yes, we have two)...I have numerous strollers.....a crib that has been recalled (tho I think I can get a part to "Fix" it".

I need to teach myself AND my girls that more isn't always better.  That there are people, children out in the world who have woefully less, if not, nothing, compared to them.

Letting go is just so hard for me.

If we are ever going to finish that basement...the crap needs to go...and the sooner, the better.


This weekend hubby and the girls and I went to Bushkill Falls in the Poconos.  It was a LONG two hour drive each way but it was a beautiful fall day

I wanted to share some pictures.

I spent some time last night editing the pictures using Picasa but apparently it didn't save the edited images back to my hard drive.  Oh well.  These aren't that bad.

Between hubby and I we took over 400 pictures.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Wasted Opportunities

I was laid off from work in November of  2009.  I went back to work on August 30, 2010.  That's what?  About 9 months.  And looking back, I feel as tho I wasted the time I had off.

At first I was sick...then it was take time to get ready for the holidays.
In February I got my real estate license.

Still.....I read only 6 or 7 books and two of those I read twice (the Twilight series).
I made one pair of curtains.
I did take alot of pictures but feel that I should have taken more.

Why didn't I sew more?  Or read more?  What is my excuse?  I have no idea...but now that I'm back to work, I wish I had done more with that time I had off because now that I don't have the time, I am wishing that I did.

I didn't sew because I'm afraid to cut the material on my own and I couldn't get my mom to help me.

I didn't read more...well, I don't know.

I had quiet time for 8 hours a day for a long stretch of time before I took the girls out of daycare two and then three days a week.

I could have painted the bedroom like I wanted.

Don't get me wrong...I did do some things.....

I painted the rocking chairs on the front porch.

I painted the lamp post.

I filled in the nail holes in the molding.

But guess what? 

The bedroom has still not been painted.

The molding isn't even painted and still needs caulk to fill in some gaps.

There is a stack of books waiting to be read.

There are pillows looking for new covers.

I wish I could get some of that time back and do those things I didn't do.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Monday Morning Moody Mumblings

It's Monday.

I'm moody (and no, I'm not PMSing)

And I'm going to mumble.

I can't find two rubbermaid containers that have my fall/winter clothes and pajama's in them.

I went shopping yesterday with a purse full of coupons and bought myself NOTHING!

It's cold and rainy.

My daughter told me yesterday that she hated me and today told me I was mean to her.  :(

My hair...............nouf said.

I'm bored at work.

Wonders...if an important decision is so hard to it the right decision?

I can't have the door in my hallway to the attic.  :(

I really want to finish the basement

I really want to paint the bedroom.

I miss my cleaning lady.

I might need to start looking for a new job and I just started this one.

I have baby on the brain.

I'm scared to talk to my hubby about my brother again...his reaction the last time was so EXTREME.

I'm tired.

I want to go home and clean and organize and find my clothes.

I miss my Smokey bear

I feel like crying

I'm in a mood, and it's Monday.