Thankful

I have been whining a lot lately on my post.  This time of year is very difficult for me.  I explained some of that in my last post so I won't rehash.

Let me apologize for my whining. 

I am truly thankful for all the things that I have in my life.

I am thankful for my husband who has stood by me thru the good times AND the bad.

I am thankful for my two beautiful and healthy children. 

I am thankful for my home and all the comforts in it.

I am thankful for my friends...old and new, those whose faces I know and love and those who I haven't had the honor of meeting yet.

I am thankful for my mother and her constant support and understanding.

I am thankful that I have a job....a well paying, flexible job.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my "crafting" ability.


And while I am truly thankful for all that I have in my life, you must know that my life isn't perfect and neither and I.  I struggle daily with many MANY things.  I am not a perfect mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend.  But I try.  I do my best.

Red Hot Mess

That's how I've been feeling lately, like a Red Hot Mess.

Everything is completely overwhelming me lately.

Maybe it's the season.  The change in time....getting darker earlier.....I don't know but I know how I am feeling and I really, truly do not like it.

So pardon me...but I need to get this out.

1)  The house.  The basement is finished and I'm so happy about that However, there is still a mess everywhere.  The living room has a large area rug rolled up that needs to go into the old office upstairs....but that room is a disaster that needs to be cleaned up.

2)  Laundry.  I can NEVER get my hands around the laundry.  And no one else does it in the house.  Sure Hubby might put one load in but that's it.  Never brings it upstairs, never puts it away.

3)  Always a a MAJOR struggle for me.   I dislike cooking immensely....my kids won't eat 1/2 of what I would make.

4) The girls.  G won't wear 1/2 of the stuff we bought together.  I can't even imagine the money that I've spent on clothes for her that she won't even wear.  I can't force her to wear them but what do I do?  I can't keep wasting this kind of money.  And A won't wear jeans.....what is the staple of this child's closet?  Jeans.  So I ask her what she does want to wear....she doesn't know.

5)  A and her going to bed issues....drive me ABSOLUTELY nuts.

6)The Holidays.  You may or may not be aware that my brother and I (and hubby and brother) are not getting along AT ALL.  After my brother sent some very hurtful words and then continued to make unnecessary statements, hubby will have nothing more to do with my brother and his wife.  This includes holidays. Thanksgiving is next week....my mom is hosting.  The entire family will be there.  My hubby won't go.  Where does this leave me?  Honestly, I don't even want to go.  I really don't.  My cousins do not (to my knowledge) know what is going on between my brother and me and I don't want to explain hubby's absence.  But that puts my mom in the middle.  She's already heart broken about the situation and doesn't understand why is can't all just work itself out.  I don't think she understands how much my brother insulted me, hubby, and my girls.  He obviously has no respect for my family at all.    For Christmas I have suggested that we drive down to SC to see hubby's parents.

7)  My weight.  Now granted, I have done NOTHING about my weight lately...other than lament over it.  I haven't worked out at home, and I did buy a video, I just can't find the energy to do it after working all day.  I can't get up in the morning to walk.......I really hate seeing the size of my pants go up. I'm distraught over  the fact that pants I bought in May are already too tight.  I know that by look.....I don't look overweight or fat.  And for all intensive purposes, I'm not.  I'm just heavy for me.  I haven't weighed this much since right after A was born, 5 years ago.  I need to exercise and get into shape.  I'll be 41 in three weeks and it's just going to get harder and harder to take it off and keep it off.

8)  Deep down inside, I really want another baby.

Fall Pictures

While hubby was in MD at a MD/Notre Dame Game, my mom and I took the girls out to Sayen Gardens in Hamilton, NJ.  This is where hubby and I had our wedding pictures taken 13.5 years ago.

Please pardon multiple images...but I was playing around with editing in Picasa.  Let me know your favorite version if you'd like.

Ok, well, for some reason I'm having an issue uploading all of the pictures....but well....Enjoy.

Pictures

Ok I'm trying this again.....Pictures....from Lancaster.....from the Fall Festival....from home.  Straight from the camera....I'm too tired to photo edit.  So let's try again.

Sometimes

Sometimes....I feel like packing up my girls and my hubby and moving away.

But I can't.  But I feel like that.  If it weren't for my mom being so close I'd seriously talk about it with my hubby.

Where would I move too?  Well, I don't know....somewhere with a longer span of warmer weather.....more mild winters....

I want small town charm.  I don't need a huge lawn, just have to spend more time mowing and working on it. 

I want to be able to walk to the library or the hardware store or a nice play ground...or even to school.  I mean, I can walk to a yucky playground at the moment and I can walk to Grace's school (which I love) but where I live now is not my ideal town.

I want to be able to ride bikes and fly kites and...slow down.

I want to see this  and this .

It seems that I am no longer close to my family.  Since the fall out with my brother I haven't spoken to him or his wife since May.  I haven't seen my cousin since May either.  And ya know what?  As sad as it is...I don't really care.

Hubby hasn't spoken to his sister since April.  We haven't seen her in almost a year.  i still have her Christmas presents.

I'm tired of family drama and garbage.  I know it sounds like I want to run away...and maybe I do....but I really just want to slow down.  I want to make new friends...I want to have a group of friends who will call me over to sew or have tea or play dates.

Sometimes I just want to move away.