Mommy Guilt

The past few days I have been feeling a great deal of mommy guilt.....see, I've been out of work for close to 13 weeks.  And everyday I have taken the girls to daycare.  There is my mommy guilt. 

When I first got laid off John and I decided that we would leave the girls in daycare full time for the time being.  We would reasses come January.  January came and I had a job interview and I would hear the decision by the end of January....so we decided that we'd leave the girls in daycare until I found out one way or another.

Now I've decided to go to school and get my real estate license.  It's a two week full time course...so of course, I can't take them out of daycare now.

After I pass my license...I have an agency that is willing ot take me on.

When I got laid off everyone would assume that I'd take the girls out of daycare and they would be so happy and I would be so happy to spend more time with them.  And I feel like I disappoint them when I tell them that I'm still keeping them in school.

Most days I am out and about in the morning and sitting on my @ss all afternoon.  Then I go and pick the girls up.   And I think.....I should have kept them home with me.  What's my problem?

But they both do really well with structure and there is no structure here at home...totally my fault.

So, maybe I need to think about doing the real estate thing 4 days a week and keeping the girls out one day a week.  UGh, I don't know.

Weekends are so hard around here with John and the girls all home.  We fight and yell...all of us...it's usually not a good weekend.  Will be better when the weather warms up.....I really dislike the winter and being stuck inside.

I know this was a ramble....sorry but Mommy guilt sucks.