Monday, September 20, 2010

Forgive and Forget

As you may recall, back on July 5 my brother send me a rather nasty, judgemental email...which completely crushed my spirit and pissed off hubby to no end.

I emailed him back the next day...proclaiming that I wasn't perfect as he makes his life out to be.....apologized for things I was in the wrong about and asked him to no stick his nose in business where it didn't belong.

I never heard from him.  I did hear thru my mom (after asking her) that my email to him pissed him off.  To which his wife asked him "What did you expect after your email to her?"

I emailed my brother several weeks ago...telling him that I needed to know if this was the end of our relationship....that he was my brother and I loved him.....but he needed to accept me and my family for what we are.  We aren't perfect.  We won't ever be...but we love each other.

I never heard back.  Turns out I had the wrong email.

I finally heard back from him yesterday.

This is his email:

"The point of my email was to clear the air and make for a better relationship, sometimes that requires a difficult discussion.  In no way did I intend to hurt you.  IN hindsight, some of my comments were judgemental and I should have kept them to myself but the majority of the issues directly affected our relationship as the impacted the quality of the time that we are together.  It is none of my businss to tell you how to parent your children or interact with your husband, but when your problems spill out into everything else, it makes it difficult to be around you.

I don't want this to go on any longer than you do and I hope that we can put this behind us and talk more honestly in a respectful way if things come up in the future".

So....what do you think?  It sort of sounds like an apology.  But now that I read it.....I still feel that his original email did more harm that good.  That he could have chosen a different venue to voice his concerns.

Hubby wants NOTHING to do with my brother or his wife any time soon.

I'm torn.  He's my family.  I don't want to abandon that.  But in some respect, I'm still hurt.   I think I'm also afraid that any time I see him that he will be critiquing my every move and silently making comments to himself.

I know that to forgive is divine...and I want to.......but do I let him know....that he needs to choose his methods more carefully.....because he almost ripped his family apart?  Or do I just keep it to myself...and try to move on?

And what do I do about hubby?  I don't want to disrespect him...but he doesn't feel that my brother made much of an effort at all.


1 comment:

  1. Whew... I have to agree with hubs on this one. That wasn't an apology at all.

    Honestly, I would write back saying that you accept his apology (and use those words), but next time, he needs to either bring up the points in person rather than email so you can actually discuss or just not say anything.